Contributing Editor Jenny Isenman recently blogged about wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours as part of a physical. The doctor asked her to document any activity in her day that could lead to stress…see her hilarious diary below.
As I left the office in my workout clothes with the wires and electrodes hanging from me, I was keenly aware of the stares. I know they weren’t thinking this is some girl who runs marathons and needs to be monitored to remain in tip-top shape, no they were thinking, “Oh, so young, so sad.“ I really wanted to announce to the office that I was 97 when I walked in and that they took me back and ’Cocooned’ me. “Seriously, ask the nurses to peel their faces off.”
Instead, I walked out with my little 24hr card, a log for episodes or stressors. Funnily enough, my father in law called the minute I walked in the door. He wanted to know if I could pick up and store his bed in our garage storage because my husband told him, “no problem.” This is the room which is now an office, which had so little space, we had to give away our own extra bed to fit in the desk. Now, I am set up to be the unwavering, nay saying bad guy. “Can you excuse me a second, I want to write something down.“
Father in law: “What”
“I’m wearing this heart monitor and I’m wondering if this phone call is affecting it.“
This went on throughout the day as I kept a mini diary of my moment to moment stuff.
1PM: Have a great idea for an article.
1:45PM: First round of carpool, pick up 3 wound-up 1st graders and listen to them argue over which seat they get and who gets to play the Nintendo DS.
2:15PM: Puppy drags me and Jake around neighborhood despite our best efforts to drag him.
2:45PM: Second round of carpool to pick up Ryan.
3PM: Have a playdate for both kids, but realize Jake has a fever, so I had to bring him home.
3:15PM: Still listening to Jake crying and telling me I’m the…oh, what did he call me? That’s right, “the worst Mommy ever.”
3:30PM: Confess to being the ‘worst Mommy ever,’ just to make it stop. Then I make a list of all the other mommies he could go live with. This is followed by a quick “You’re not the worst mommy. You’re the best mommy.” To which I respond, “and don’t you forget it.” How quickly the threat of giving him away works.
4PM: Double shot of espresso.
5PM: Clean puppy poop and pee out of my new carpet.
5:30PM: Try to walk dog with Ryan on her bike, crying that her chin strap, which is barely touching her neck, is too tight. Jake on his Ripstick, a mile ahead where I can’t see him, won’t answer my incessant screaming down the street.
6:15PM: Ask kids 37 times what they want for dinner, while listing available menu items… To no response.