Before my son Jack was born, I would proudly tell people “I plan on going back to work after 6 weeks; I am not giving up who I am just because I have a baby”. And I truly believed this. Time went on, Jack was born, 6 weeks turned into 12 and my mind and my heart changed. I never imagined the amount of love, or guilt I could feel. The love for this wonderful, perfect human being that was ours; and the guilt due to the fact that I had to leave him in order for our family to survive. I cried, panicked, tried to find ways to stay home, but eventually the day came where I had to kiss my son goodbye and head off to work.
There are days I feel like #1 mom of the year. At the end of the day I have a happy baby, a happy husband, made a decent meal, I’m helping support our family and my house is in tact. There are days where I feel like I can take on the world, where I want to shout “BRING IT ON!”. Working lets me get dressed up and have interactions with adults. It lets me get my mind off the everyday routine. That said, I am realizing more and more that the days of “supermomdom” are few and far between.
Most days I feel like a less than adequate mom. The time I do have with my son on weeknights is crammed in with everything else we have to do. My house is never as clean as I would like, long gone are the days of gourmet, romantic meals, and I don’t even know what “me time” is anymore. I have become second to myself. Weekends went from relaxing, and going out with my husband and/or friends, to cleaning, grocery shopping paying bills, laundry, seeing family, keeping our marriage afloat, and reminding each other that WE wanted this. I am a full time teacher, and I’m also a full time mother
So I’ve decided to take things one day at a time. I’m learning that I can’t be super mom, wife and teacher. I ‘m learning that it’s okay if the house is not clean everyday, it’s okay if we eat mac and cheese for dinner sometimes. And although I may not be able to do what I want when I want to anymore, that after work walk with our dog or the extra couple minutes in the shower sure feels good. I know that Jack will not remember or care that I had to work, and I know one day he will understand I did it for us. It comforts me to know that so many other moms struggle with these same issues; so many more moms are going back to work, especially in these times.
If only there was a working mom support group. A way to connect, share, laugh, cry; maybe this wouldn’t be such a heart wrenching step. I would love to hear from other moms. What struggles you did or are you going through? How you get through each day/week/year as a working mom. Does it get easier? Are you learning to juggle all the demands put on you?
This is my life. This IS what I wanted. No matter how hectic or stressful it may seem, or how big of a failure I may feel, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love being a mom. A working mom.