Dealing With Infertility

Remember that anger is a normal response to infertility. You may find it helpful to try some of these techniques to manage angry feelings. There is no “right” way to do this; don’t force it, and don’t expect a specific response. Tears and feelings of sadness often mingle with anger.

-Take a blank sheet of paper and list all of the things in your life that you are angry with
-Get active physically
-Express your anger but use “I feel” statements rather than attacking a family member of friend.
-Talk about your anger with a counselor or therapist who can help you process and deal with your emotions.

Guilt and Shame
Shame is a searing, painful feeling associated with faltering self-esteem, and a sense of inadequacy, defectiveness and helplessness. As repeated attempts to get pregnant come to naught, there is a realization that this intensely strived-for goal has not been, and may never be, attained. As this failure becomes more and more evident, one’s self-image is assaulted.

It is easy to move from procedures that have failed to the feeling that “I am a failure.” Anguish, self-doubt, and chronic sadness converge as couples come to think of themselves as failing, not only in realizing their own dream to reproduce and nurture, but failing their spouse, parents, and siblings as well. Because shame embodies the painful sense of self-defect, it is often hidden and disguised, even from oneself.